Passion + Wisdom = Position

passion3I am sure you realize I am a multi-faceted individual.  Well, and so are YOU!  I am at a crossroads in life right now.  My journey is different but not too different then anyone in my current age group.  I am HAPPY to be the age I am, I don’t wish to be younger, or older at present. HAHAHA.. we will continue aging whether  we like it our not.

I am finally gaining the wisdom of my age. When the lightbulb finally turns on! It’s hard to believe how long that took!  Am I a delayed starter maybe? YES.. possibly, or I’m early, it’s hard to say.  But, I  have figured it out.. Would you like to know?    Are you in a rut?  Unhappy? Stressed out?  Here is the ANSWER……

Whatever you are passionate about.… is what you should be doing with your LIFE.  We are created so uniquely, God made us the way he chose for our path to be.  If you have a passion something that totally makes you energized with, that is the answer.  Now I know for my self, that I can have a career or something I am good at, but I know I am on the right track when my passion for something totally inspires me, energizes me, and fills my spirit with joy, that is what I was created to do it.  I do not think God puts limits on how many of those passions we have.

Your Passion + Wisdom =  Position


So>>> How do you get Wisdom to = Position ?   Well,  mainly  by experience, you cannot gain Wisdom always by reading/education.  You have to put it in action, like a verb. How will you know you like it, unless you try it out?  It can be risky to your preconceptions> How will you know?  Well, I like to pray about things, and God does give me an idea on if I am on the right track.  Have I figured it out yet?  NOPE.. I am in process of.  Give yourself grace on timing, because we know God does.   The Bible has many verses on passion, some that don’t sound like we should have any, put in the context of a passion being inspiration or purpose, what about position, meaning a position to walk in your will, being a good servant, whatever that looks like for you.  Here is an encouraging verse.     ” 1 Corinthians 10:31 :So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

How can we be walking in NOstress, no worries….. walk in your passion, and I do not mean romantic passion.

passion stress

So do a checklist. What energizes you?   What makes you tick?  What are you naturally skilled at?  What type of books or magazines are next to your bed?  What does God say?

I would like you to post your thoughts?   Have a great day?


What if? Tornado…

Last week we had some tough storms come through, tornadoes destroyed a couple churches and some houses,  thank God nobody was hurt...  I sit here right now hunkering down because again a trail of storms with tornado warnings is coming through this area.  I grew up in the Midwest so I’m quite aware of tornado warning and tornado drills but in this area they’re not common and it freaks everyone out, so since it’s been a while now I’m freaked out a little.

When I decided that it was safe to go back upstairs, and watch the news, my husband downstairs turns up the TV, while watching “Searching for Red October” so I hear some loud noises, almost like a tornado sound because of the sound effects in that movie. At first I don’t realize it’s the movie so I’m ready to fly down the steps for cover. I almost feel like I dodged a bullet.  My heart beating fast. 

Thoughts now, on what I should have grabbed if anything?  Probably my cat who is peacefully sleeping in a basket in my room.  However, grabbing her would have proved rather sharp and claws out.  What about my grandmas momentos, my photographs, my passport, my purse, clothes, jewelry, I’m barefoot, maybe shoes would be wise, which ones? Oh wow! It’s too much to fathom!  People have to go through this daily across the world in different situations that are devastating.  Perspective change here .  

I definitely should have grabbed the cat! A living creature, that has life! Who cares about stuff? It may be sentimental but it has no life unless I give life to it, most can be replicated.  A life , a breath, is the important in the present.  In the storm what is important? What does God say about this?  

Excerpt from article at:

” 1) Earthly possessions are inferior to the heavenly one.

“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (Colossians 3:2).

Before we knew Christ, we set our minds on everything the world views as valuable. Yet when we gave our hearts to Christ, there’s an immediate recognition of the fading value of material things. Through the knowledge and presence of the Holy Spirit, we begin to desire greater heavenly rewards more so than the earthly ones.”

#2) Earthly possessions will be destroyed eventually

“But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare” (2 Peter 3:10).

The most expensive and greatest treasures on the earth will have the same end—nothingness. After Jesus comes back and the world is judged, there will be nothing worth holding on to. In spite of this, many people will continue to cling to their earthly possessions because they long to be more comfortable in the present moment rather than in their eternal future.”

I’m not going to copy the whole article but you get the point. We have to set our eyes on eternal  things, not temporary possessions. Love, safety of physical body, and our relationships with people and God , Holy Spirit and our savior. 3 in One.

I just experienced a test storm, a drill, I failed only because I did not grab my Kitty.  Luckily I didn’t have to, but it makes me think about a plan for next time. I’m thanking God that this was a test, I really did reach out to him for strength. That’s what you do through a storm, even if it’s just a lesson, a drill.

You are safe with God.

God is our shelter and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.– Psalm 46:1

God is in control.

He calmed the raging storm, and the waves became quiet.– Psalm 107:29 (

God will rescue you.

The righteous call to the Lord, and he listens; he rescues them from all their troubles.– Psalm 34:17

Always trust in God as your protector.

Whoever goes to the Lord for safety, whoever remains under the protection of the Almighty, can say to him, “You are my defender and protector. You are my God; in you I trust.”– Psalm 91:1-2

God will give you strength.

But his answer was: “My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak.” I am most happy, then, to be proud of my weaknesses, in order to feel the protection of Christ’s power over me.– 2 Corinthians 12:9

Come Go With Me !

Secret confession…I’m traveling to a time and places.

I Am…

I’m a genealogy junkie…I’m obsessed with my ancestors, lineage, their professions all of it.  I have been on Ancestry for more years now than I can remember, I have linked my tree back to 800 A.D.. England, Ireland, Denmark, Poland, and Scotland. They truly were Kings and Queens, I am amazed. Now don’t get me wrong I know most people can trace their trees back to a King or Queen. But I still was excited to think I truly have a blood link, to that time period. What was I thinking? I just dropped out of a tree?

Have you ever related to a time period and thought you should have been in that time period?  I love medieval times, castles , knights , the whole thing. Shakespere, MacBeth… I watched all of The Lord of the Rings,  all English movies, The Tudors, The White Queen, etc… Braveheart, Rob Roy, etc.. But then my niece, suggested I watch Outlander.. Wow. King Arthur will be out soon too.

I am a Sassenach but yet am very Scottish/ Irish.. so I’m a Half-Sass.. with a twist of Irish and a sprig of Scandinavian.  Quite a mix.  Don’t get me wrong I still get mad at the English, because of what they did to some of my ancestors, however I have some links to that side as well, and can’t deny our roots are intertwined.  My Scottish ancestors were killed in many battles against, but my tree includes English settlers off the Susan Constant at Jamestown, so even they escaped. Each of us have a family story to be discovered.  Go find it!

I will be visiting some of those family places next month, other countries. I am so excited!  Visiting family clan castles, Cathedrals and Parishes!  Trip of a lifetime! I hope you have, or will do that yourself.

MacDowalls- “Victory or Death”

I will blog while over the Pond.. share lots of pictures and adventures. I hope you will come along !  I know God is laying my path out for this trip.


Come Go With Me !

Back to Losing… winning! 

Well just a quick update on my fitness journey.. I won the biggest biggest Loser contest at my Gym.. down 20.2 pounds and 8 1/2 inches all over.. I feel good about it, but not through losing, I have a long way to go. My ideal weight seems very far, but I’m going to take it 6 weeks at a time/  a goal.  Thanks to Womens Workout Center! Also my coach Linda Who is totally a Wonder-woman ! 

I have a lot  of Facebook friends and good friends, but to be honest I felt very alone at the Gym when I won, but, all these ladies that I entered this with, were there cheering me on and they were side by side with me through the last six weeks, including our sauna sessions, counseling for all! It has been bonding, I’m glad to have strangers as team mates, you know them a little, but not really, you can speculate about them, and never know. 

 I met the most precious lady the other night in the sauna she was mentoring a wonderful lady younger than us, who was my contender for this contest, I kind of wished she won too, as she has triplets.. and this is her fun!  

Anyway, back to the older lady, she is so precious, I could totally see her being all of our “Clara’s” from the movie “The War Room”.  She has a gifting regarding people having babies, but she has that God, Holy Spirit wisdom…she is sitting in the sauna with a red bathing suit and a cap, and an Island accent, I cant wait to find out where she is from. Who knew I would get this much fellowship in the Gym? Well, God knew.  

This has been such a neat journey,  I had a Word spoken to me that “Church is a distraction ” to my ministry.. at first I was mad about that word. But as always it’s true. I get tunnel vision when I have a mission in church, so much that I don’t do work outside the church, I’m too tired.  

Well this is a new season.. I’ve been crowned twice , so It’s ON! What other things are on the horizon?  I don’t know. But it’s going to be interesting! Thanking God for this new view of the World! Winnng while I’m losing, but gaining these new adventures!  Let’s find out! Yay! 

Come Go With Me! 

Writing is hard! Ok, good writing is.

When I decided to write down my journey’s, I somehow had forgotten that proper english sentence rules, might want to be part of a good blog!   I was always accused of run- on sentences, too many comma’s in school!  Over the years,  have habitually added two exclamations on something I was imperative on!!  I have shortened my sentences because of texting, and Facebook posting .  I am going to take a few lessons to freshen up my skills, you can find them for free on the internet.

writing courses

I happened upon a wonderful show on PBS the other night, “To Walk Invisible The Bronte Sisters”.   I almost had forgotten how much I loved the poems, Jane Eyre, and of course Wuthering Heights, when I was younger.  Emily Bronte”High waving heather, ‘neath stormy blasts bending (December 13, 1836) my very favorite.  Women at that time thought it better to be published under mens names so it would get  published, and sell.  How very fortunate we are that we can just write under our own identity, male or female.

emily_bronte_quote_2 (1)

I am inspired, I am ready to pick up the pen, and start writing again.   My mother before she passed, said something to me, that was quite shocking. She said she was sad that I didn’t turn out the way she thought I would, for some reason she thought I would be a writer, a creative writer, because of all the papers I used to turn in for school and she kept.  Since I was following in her footsteps career path wise, I was taken aback thinking , she would have been proud of me of my management jobs etc.  So maybe I need to think about it, just because of the pure enjoyment of it.  So here we go!  I hope to see where it takes me!

If any of you have any tips, I would be happy to hear!

Have a beautiful Day!

IMG_3448 (Edited)

Purple, pink, look at the flowers how you show off
Greenery takes on as a  backdrop  
None to kind to the brown soil who births you  
Go ahead and glimmer, its only for a short time
You will come back to ground
while the green and brown will still be around  




A Princess that can only eat Peas!


Once upon a time, in a land far far away there lived a girl who always wanted to be a princess.. and alas, she finally at 40 (something) was one!  It’s a funny one for sure. About 20 years ago(yes that long), some of her Irish dance troupe friends were  princesses of the Irish American Society. But I, who not knowing my ancestry really thinking I was German and French mainly, did not really aspire to be princess. Was always happy for the girls who were but continued to Irish dance for 10 years.  I got married, and got distracted and lost my drive to dance and teach.  It was sad that I just abandoned it like that.  Missed it all the time. Since then, have found out I have heritage that matches the passion, 20% Irish, the rest, 53% GB (Scottish) and Swiss.   So here we are 2017, and one of the past princesses, lovely lasses nominated me this year, I was very humbled and honored. I would have to attend as Princess in our annual St. Patricks Day parade.. I actually get to be a real princess. My husband being so sweet has always called me that< and I know God thinks so too.

If you have read my last posts, you know , I am on a lifestyle change of eating and excercise, so to think I had to be in a parade at the size I am , was quite distressing at first, like what was I going to wear…YIKES!

I have a beautiful friend who stepped in to help me, she spent her whole day here, trying to look at what I was trying to put together.  As we talked, I went to show her my Wedding dress, and right next to it, was a dress I had forgotten I bought at a Thrift store, thinking I would like to wear one day, she had great ideas for it, and she put her creativity with it, made it look Celtic.  I had a black cape that Steve’s mom gave me awhile back and it created a look I have seen across the ages, you see above.. I actually already had a tiara, from my wedding, and it all came together.

I lost some pounds from my lifestyle change, and for once in quite awhile, I felt pretty, like a princess… A princess eating peas…LOL  Actually I can’t have peas, they are not on the plan.  However, my day of being princess  I cheated a little,  being Irish you can’t not eat Shepard’s pie or have a Guinness.  I gave myself grace.  Happy to say, I still lost a pound by Monday.  This week is my last weigh in, for the biggest biggest loser,  I think another lady has beat me, but NOT really.. I am beating my self.  I am happy this week on how far I have come in a short time.  I WILL keep going.  I will keep leaning on God, and the people he has placed in my life for inspiration, and experience life with! I will follow the Beatitudes!

The Beatitudes
(Psalm 1:1-6; Luke 6:20-23)
3“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12Rejoice and celebrate, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.


I guess my whole reason for writing this blog is…. One day your a princess.. the next day your not, still fighting for health and happiness.  We all have struggles that are real to us, and we can relate them to anything, and anyone, you cannot let your life testimony be a secret, we are all in this together, and we all have the same struggles just with different things and situations.  Transperency is a lost part of who we are, was, can BE…

 I want to hear your story,  it may help me or someone who reads it?  So please, comment below, or leave your blog link below I would love to read your story!    

Hello, it’s Me! 

Well , so here I Am !

This picture is the most bare naked ( with clothes on )I have ever posted publicly.  The angle wasn’t above with a smile, but STRAIGHT ON!  Hard for me to look at, NO jacket covering, makeup, hair done. I can see the ripply upper arms, distended stomach.. see I could point out every flaw!  But honestly, I’m over it!  I’m tired of that! So 3 weeks in, my mindset is in fight mode, the battle is heated and I will not accept this photo as present.. it’s Before, …… before I made up my mind totally to change.  I feel stronger even in my thinking. Someone asked me the other day why I don’t have a cheat day, well honestly I’ve had at least 47 years of cheat days! I’m good! I gave myself a year grace from all the diets I stuck to.. I will eat something someday in moderation that’s not good for me, but I will choose wisely and once I reach my goals..

Ah yes GOALS.. I’ve even changed how I think about those, I’m not thinking in pounds, inches, sizes, fat on here or there.. So what am I focused on? Shocking as it is, but … yes Butt… Will my Butt fit in or on any seat, anywhere ? Yes a seat goal… I’m sure your shuddering wondering, who makes a weird goal like that?  Well me, I do. I will never be embarrassed to sit in an airplane seat, an outside patio chair, a roller coaster seat, a stool, concert seat, even lawn chairs or a church pew!  I bet you never thought about it? I bet you don’t know that riding a bike, or back of a motorcycle, or even some of the gym equipment could cause embarrassment. How about even going zip lining ?  These are some great activities that I would like to do. But to feel comfortable and confident doing them is not realistic for me at the moment or the past few years.  Please do not discount this as silly or exaggerated.  People don’t travel, excercise, go in public restrooms, or eat out sometimes.. You are a prisoner of your body, oh and it is YOUR own fault.. you do not just become obese , it was one meal or snack st a time.. I heard and said all excuses, I even got my thyroid checked more often just to possibly have an excuse.

So what was the problem ?  Many things combined, stopping a physical active hobby, Irish Dance, I even quit teaching it too.  Stayed home with my husband, having the evening adult beverage, and eating the same portion sizes as the men and boys in my house, also new favorite TV shows.  Plus, working from home in front of the computer.. so there was the combination, notice I’m not mentioning overeating, well I really wasn’t thinking I was over eating because I was eating the same portions as the people around me and I convinced myself I wasn’t . So there it is! Finally the don’t get a solution without knowing the problem definitely! Yay!

So what now? Well just like every Doctor will tell , no gimmicks, pills, drink, excercise contraption.. just good ole portion size reduction, carbs reduced, lots of water.. and increased excercise!  I know sounds easy, but it’s a mindset change, not a diet, but a real change!  I’m doing it! I picture myself thinner before I picture a food craving, replace your thoughts! Plus I have a great wingman, God as a guide too!

If your struggling I want to encourage you, I am starting to feel good again, I have a long way to go, but I will get there .. One day at a time!  Remember that Christmas claymation Santa Claus is coming to town.. Put one foot in front of the other..https://youtube/OORsz2d1H7sjust in case your too young to know what I’m talking about..

Start today , start tomorrow .. just START!! I challenge you, I dare you! Do it!  I’m with you, I will cheer you on if you don’t have someone to. Let’s do this !

Biggest Loser- 1 week WIN

So if you read my last blog post, this is my battle’s 2nd week. I am happy I lost 5 pounds..  I have gained my sword back.

It’s hard to believe how a person can become sedentary and stuck so quickly. It may have seemed it took me the 10 years to do that but I had my active times intermittent in those years. Tried diet fixes drops, pills , shakes.. even had my gallbladder removed , that only weighs a few ounces, ha ha.

How does one not see the weight creeping on? It’s like being in denial, the opposite of anorexia, seeing yourself thinner,  kidding yourself that they just don’t make clothing, underwear like they used to. Seats are tinier, etc.. I remember in the fall when going to dine on an outside patio not being comfortable because of the flimsy plastic chair, my hips got stuck, I had a meltdown and my poor sister she really didn’t know what to say. Worrying about seats everywhere, dining , event venues, airplanes, movies, don’t get me started on amusement parks. How do you kid yourself like that? Well easy, everything you watch, read, listen to, markets food that are NOT good for you! Fast food needs just to lose the S.. Fat Food.  I hadn’t eaten too much of it anymore, but all those shows on TV, commercials , everywhere, gave my husband great ideas, on how to make us FAT! I’m not blaming him at all, he’s guilty of being a great chef !

Go to your doctor! I have the most awesome doctor she’s an Internal Medicine doctor and she has been so helpful to me in my journey I visited with her this last week to get a physical while I’m doing this program so she knows where I’m at and so she could give me the Greenlight on what I’m doing. Why? to go see the physician well I’ll tell you why, she looked at all my vitals and did lab tests to see where my levels were on each part of my blood like sugar see how my liver is doing etc. so I extremely recommend you to go yearly! Not to mention the positive encouragement that she gave me.

I know this blog seems to just be all about me! Well for now it is!  Want to  know why?  Because it has not been all about me for quite some time, and I need to start taking care myself! I hope this encourages you to think about that as well if you are stuck in a rut,  YOU are the only one that can get you out! Pick up the oar, and start paddling that boat to the other side stop waiting in the middle for someone to help you!  Everyone says God will help you, he will, but you have to let him, and what I mean by that is you have to START he cannot help you if you do not start he’s not going to do it for you but he will strengthen you through the journey!

Now, Come Go With Me!

Biggest Loser…How did I get Here?

Diary start 02/11/2017

Today I entered the Gym’s biggest Loser contest…., almost like me flying the white flag  of defeat…that I actually need help somehow, and finally….  How did I get here? How did I not know I was this overweight? 

Background: Been a chubby, to lovely many times.  It started at age 3… not lost the baby fat yet. Onwards to Elementary school.. not picked on the kickball team, or even sent over in Red Rover.  I once got stuck in the mud in the playground because I only would play tether ball by myself.. sounds pitiful right?  Well,  then there was this one PE teacher who cared, taught us Disco Jump rope.  It was cool.  I liked it.. I tried out for the performance at the mall.  My last name had an S, so when they  copied the list my name had been copied off the bottom.. I was devastated.  I barely spoke but, went to the teacher and told her I just knew I was picked for that,… at least. She went to the Gym and there was my name.. My big debut, in downtown St.Louis at the mall.  Jumproping to LeFreak-by Chic..  My  mother was to attend, but then couldn’t , I choked, I messed up once and left feeling energized but still sad.  That was in the 5th grade.  The days you were weighed in front of your classmates, I remember it well, I weighed 100lbs, much more than my 2 only friends Mary and LaTonya , but only a little less than 1 other girl and 1 other boy. Public school weight shame from the start.

One decision to move to another part of the city, gave this little girl hope.  I was sad, yet relieved at the same time.  I can start over, and maybe have some friends that did not already know my secret….. I was fat…am fat.. used to be fat.. will be fat…. the 6th grade started off fabulously, no one seemed to know I was fat, or they didn’t let me know that they knew at the time, that is what I convinced myself anyways.. I was walking down the hall,  and I see a girl that I knew from my other school,  Oh my.. is she going to tell my secret?  She was a sweet person , maybe she won’t tell.

By the 7th grade I grew taller, a little more stretched out, but a chubby tummy, that’s when I was offered a pill that would give me energy and help me lose weight,  that was the beginning of my addiction..Pink hearts..7/7/7.. Black beauty..Wow who knew? My weight loss could be ingested, no change in diet, except that I didn’t want to eat that much, living on ramen noodles, and my gourmet rice with mushrooms and soy sauce.  This is where it gets blurry…8th grade..over the summer I could not find someone to buy pills from, so off to the drugstore I went.. at the time  there were some great replacements, Dexatrim and Vivarin together was a great concoction.. I am not sure if I told my friends at the time or not? But again.. my fat needed to stay SECRET. While my friends were experimenting with drugs and alcohol, I thought I was pure still, not realizing I was taking drugs, just because you could buy them at Walgreens, did not mean they weren’t.

One of my friends who lived down the street was probably one of the most beautiful girls I knew, she was older than me, went to High School,  she was your American Beauty model type,  blonde, blue eyes, great figure,  wore a size 0, or in jeans very thin like size 26 Gap jeans or something like that.  I would definitely never measure up.. in fact a guy I had a crush on,  had one on her .. I was devastated.. I would say I was popular at the time, I had a pool in the backyard, and my identity that I showed everyone was a peppy, upbeat, loving life girl..  Though that was not really ME.. fat girl inside crying out to the world to be worthy.

I had a  dysfunctional family .  My cousins and everyone I knew was thin, just not me..My sister went through similar challenges, and when she moved away, she also made a new start and was thin.  You see.. my perspective was only on 1 thing in my life, the pursuit of thinness..  My parents did not know this is what consumed me mostly, and that they needed to teach me differently on how to relate to food and my body. They both, grew up in downtown St.Louis, mostly poor neighborhood, with diets that were just to survive, and full of fattening type foods, that was the norm. My dad at some point had to change his diet, and I remember seeing fresh vegetables and such at his house, but that was the only exposure to good  food I saw in the house.

Over the next many years, I moved to Florida, more thin model suntanned girls this time,  I struggled with this, but continued my concoction of OTC  weight loss pills.. not knowing I was ruining my metabolism and body. I was in my thin years, had a lot of male attention with alot of mistakes But I met  a guy, got married, then …Baby.. I forgot you gain weight with babies??   I was very careful to not overindulge, my craving was peanut butter, though my pregnancy was over all the major food Holidays, T-Day, Christmas, New Years,  aye aye. So I started to gain, and gain.  I was starting to freak out about it, my ex-husband he mentioned my tree trunk legs, that was not a good reaction.  I cryed quite awhile about that. I was gaining quite a bit of weight, and on the Dr. visit to our military healthcare, the quite small male physician told me, “You are getting too fat, and we will need to send you to a dietician” Not exactly what you want to hear while gaining this weight while pregnant, I started to eat weight watchers entrees only….drank water, watched any soda or sugary drinks.  Supposedly a joyful time, was once again overshadowed by the “Fat Monster”... My next visit I had gained anotherwhopping 10 lbs, but alas..thank God,  a Commander/MD/ midwife for the next visit..she started to look at all my visits, flipping back frantic, asking me questions about how I felt etc.. .  She contemplated a hospital stay, I swore to her I would stay on bedrest.  The damage had been done however, the baby decided he needed to make an appearance,  so lucky for me he came early.  I literally lost 40lbs of water and baby weight before I left the hospital.  Let those numbers scare ya. Once again the birth of my son, should have been joyous, but again my weight was what was on my mind, he was only 5lbs from being early, but perfect to me, a sweet baby..but..I gained 80 lbs.

Even with moving to another city, it was winter in Chicago, a blustery difference from Florida..brrr. so no exercise activities were even attempted.  I was still holding on to 40lbs. And whoops another son was born.. so now 2 children under the age of 2. Yikes…..after a year,  summer came, I felt motivated to attend a Gym, and there started the Gym addiction.  I actually had a trainer, he said I had the perfect physique for body building, he started to train me. My husband being threatened by my training and lost weight, was not supportive.. end of that..But beginning to my thin year. Moving again, back to Florida I felt good and motivated.  Then another move to Virginia.I was OK with pictures being taken, even at the beach,  however the revisit of diet pills decided to rear its ugly head.  I got back on the yo-yo dieting rollercoaster.  Back to size 12/14….when would it end?

I started Irish dance in 1997, I was 30 and had watched Riverdance and absolutely fell in love with it.  It began, very hard, always putting myself at the end of the row, one of few BIG girls in the class, some were your true Irish looking gals, thin Red, Brunette, or Black hair, I stuck out with my Blonde locks and my big Hips.  I was not graceful at it to begin, but something kicked in after a year or so,  I was dancing up to 5 times a week, not really paying attention to the scale, but what dresses looked good.  That was great, I could eat anything because I knew I would dance it off.  Though the diet pills still were present , I really thought I still needed them, like a crutch.  I actually took 1 too many one time right before a big competition, I really messed up the dance by being so amped up.  We medaled in it, but didn’t get #1, as you can tell I still am beating myself up about it …I still let my weight/ plus fat or minus fat.. run my life…or ruin my life either way.

Sad days and happy days ahead from there.  I divorced which I lost quite a bit of weight because of stress. .   I thought, that now I was at a size and weight that was good, my life would be happy again.  It was, temporary, being thin came with another price, to maintain it, to hear from people you thought didn’t judge your weight before to giving you a compliment  on how great you looked NOW! That was shocking!  We all need encouragement, but sliding compliments feel BAD when you still hate your own body.  I hope anyone reading this, who is family or friend, never take any of this personally.  My eyeglass view was only in one spectrum, how I felt about myself, not in a narcissitic way, but in a self loathing way.  Fast forward… met a guy, got married again wore the dress, still not a skinny sized one.  But  decent enough look for pictures.  I was happy, somewhat!  I stumble upon a guy who loves to cook.. ruh ..roh… not the ideal match for a food hater, and eater, and self loather. Now moving back to comfortable, and eating whatever and whenever I please, because he loves me with FOOD oh now we add the Wine..

It took awhile, but here I am 10 years later, the heaviest I have ever weighed,  had surgeries, sickness, bad knees,  up and down the scale several times. .. AND now here we are..entering a contest name the Biggest Loser.. yep I’m a big loser, and gainer, and loser, and gainer.  That’s ME!  I love when people try to give advice about this to me, if they only knew I have a bookcase full of ideas,diets accumulated over the years, and have read and retained the material.I may not look like it, but I know ALOT of nutrition and fitness information, I have DVD’s, motivation CD’syou name it.  My book shelf makes it look like I might be a trainer.

The book that I did not read was of:  Loving your body no matter it’s size, taking care of it at ALL costs. Not letting others dictate your meals, or goals. Don’t give up on YOU! I am a woman of faith, and you would think I would have applied those principles to this battle, surprisingly, NOPE.. God doesn’t want to hear about my weight, he knows I misuse it, abuse it, he will not be interested.  I will ask for forgiveness, but I will not ask him into this boxing ring, it is of small importance..WRONG!

Here’s the key…..Get your mind right, self talk positivity,  make a plan, get accountability partners, stock the right foods, get to the Gym, start loving your body at the size it is NOW! Then pray, ask God for peace, and strength that only HE can give. You are not in a competition with anyone, only yourself, start being healthy whatever that feels like in your skin.Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well.  

  Start.. believing that and knowing that FULL WELL..   I have quoted that scripture so many times to people, only focusing on the beginning of it, I never applied the END of it.  You can know that God loves you, because he made you fearfully and wonderfully, but do YOU really know his works(YOU) are wonderful?  That sums up the problem, the root of belief, and Love of you!.. 

I hope you join me in this journey.. It has begun so differently for me this time. I wanted to give you my background so you know how I got here, and what I have been through.  If any of you want to share your story , I would find it encouraging to hear and we can help each other.

Prayers are welcome, and I will do the same for you!  Even if you don’t have a faith right now, please focus on being the BEST YOU!  Come go with ME